For those of who are like me and aren’t up to speed, Seth is a marketing guru. He’s got a book out called Linchpin, and he talked about how we are at a crucial turning point in the evolution of marketing. He says that the process that worked for decades — pouring a ton of money into mass-blasting a message out to the general populace — simply doesn’t work anymore. He said it’s all about connecting now. It’s all about building relationships. Earning trust and permission.

I absolutely loved what he had to say, because it totally resonates not only with what we teach at SagePresence, but with what we’ve experienced over the last nine years.

When SagePresence was very young, Dean and I had no idea how to build awareness about us. We experimented with advertising, and we got nothing. We tried selling our services at networking functions, and got a little more than nothing.

Then, on the advice of Lauri Flaquer of Saltar Solutions, we tried building relationships. First in our presentations, then in face-to-face networking, and now on-line. And things started to change.

It worked so well, we let the process inform the content of what we teach. ALL high-quality human communication — whether you’re presenting, selling, networking, leading, whatever — all of it is has the same building blocks. We all respond towthe same basic things: The human connection, emotional resonance, generosity, support and help. We’re all hoping for the silver bullet or the magic words or whatever. The simple solution that will bring in customers.

The bad news is that there is no silver bullet, and no magic words. The good news is that there is magic, and it is simple. Simple but not easy, or at least not quick.

The simple solution is targeting your audience, being a source of value to them, and communicating that value. This can take time and patience, but keep at it. Commit to winning them over, and you will. No one can withstand a sustained and focused act of good will directed at them.

Many have said, “Money is power.” Others say, “Information is power.” I say, “Sensitivity is power,” because that’s what I’ve learned from the intense leadership environment of the film set, where pressure is high, performances are on-the line, and timing is everything.

That’s the environment I love, because something is going wrong every couple of minutes and the value of leadership is obvious, and the feedback is real-time, leaving no question about what works! I’ve learned how to activate the leadership presence that builds effective teams, even with diversity in values, techniques, levels of experience, and different functions that have to work together.

It is my tested belief (as a filmmaker who also trains business leaders, undercover agents, sales teams, and other professionals with communication training and teambuilding programs) that the “amped up” environment of a film set is the perfect environment to extrapolate good techniques for leadership in general.

At the start of any project is the powerfully unstable chemical mix of fear and dreams. The self-protective “voice over” in my head says, “I hope I don’t make a fool of myself,” while the view I see through “opportunity’s lens” shows the sky as the limit! Money’s on the line, egos come into play, power struggles happen, and all this because everyone wants to deliver value and receive recognition.

The film set is a classic make-or-break moment that taught me what I need to train spies, CEOs, doctors, lawyers, sales, and IT folk how to improve communication skills. Film mixes technical with non-technical, veteran with green, creative with practical, dreamer with pragmatist, and art with reality. (The kite stretches from the clouds down to the ground as it tries to reach new heights).

My leadership secret weapon is sensitivity. In fact, a criticism levied against me has been “Dean is too nice. Can he lead?” My most powerful skill hinges on a soft-skill that some consider to be feel-good woo-woo that while sure to breed a love-fest, is unleaderly to the type A leader who sees sensitivity and assertiveness in conflict – where none exists!

Sensitivity equals power. I drive progress, results, effectiveness, and productivity off the charts with sensitivity. In return, I get loyalty, creativity, and 110% from everyone on my team.

Sensitivity brings you everything you want as a leader. It’s a tool to get the best out of people. Constructive redirection inspires people to take ownership in your instructions. It’s the raw material that drives inspiration. And it’s not less efficient; The five additional seconds it takes to be sensitive removes hours of sorting out baggage, while increasing quality, productivity, and loyalty.

So what does “Leadership Sensitivity” look like? Let me paint you a picture through my lens.

As a Film Director, I do exactly what Pete Machalek and I train at SagePresence in any leadership training or teambuilding workshop; I follow a simple rule in all my leadership communication, following the five steps below in any order:

1)    A positive statement: I can levy any criticism I want, or ask anyone to do anything I want – as long as I include a positive statement that I can say and feel authentically.

This doesn’t have to be gushing. It has to be true, and relevant. Let me exemplify with only a mildly positive statement: “We’ve gotten this far (+). Now we are going to have to address timing.” That wasn’t too hard. Even better would be, “I love the camera move (+) you did. Can we try it a little smoother?” Or in a different sequence. “I want to drop the whole sequence in the van, because they did such a great job in the storefront scene that we don’t need it (+).”

The teambuilding respect communicated by tying any negative to one single positive helps people feel recognized and honored while being directed.

2)    Complete Context: It makes no difference whether your direction is right or wrong. You must always provide the context. No action movie ever has any audience power if there isn’t a plot to provide context to the action. Just speak from a negative situation (–) toward a positive situation (+), with action required in the middle (A), and you have context!

Negative to Positive (most recommended): “It’s going to be hard to edit that shot because you’re both talking over each other (–).  I want you to add a small pause before say your line (A), and that way, the editor will be able to cut on the pause (+).”

Positive to Negative (less recommended, but still effective): “We’re right on schedule (+) today. Let’s get back from break at exactly 10:30 (A), so we don’t jeopardize our advantage (–).”

3)    Repeat what others say to you: Repeating shows you’ve listened. And that communicates respect and attentiveness.

“Let me make sure I got this. You think, if we use the time now to get the lines perfectly, we’ll make up the time in the afternoon because the extra takes will serve as practice. Is that what you’re saying?”

Whenever you can restate what someone else says, you pay them the respect of gaining your attention and being heard.

Those three simple rules get me through nearly every direction or conversation. I tie a positive to almost anything I say, especially when there is a criticism or redirection. I provide context with every instruction so they see where we are that’s not ideal, and where I’m trying to go that is more ideal. And I repeat what is said to me so that followers know they’re heard and in synch with me.

There are two more key activities that always give me the teambuilding edge, and I do them constantly.

4) I provide public praise of others, while keeping criticism private. This is not playing favorites. This is joyfully calling out people for their real contributions so that they are recognized by their leader in front of the team. And I pay attention to as many people and as many levels of the team as possible, so that everyone is praised for the positive, while appreciating the value of the other players. Since I don’t withhold it from anyone, my teams don’t “fight” for my praise.

They get praise regularly because I give it liberally, and only for real things. Then I criticize privately in protection of their reputation. The result is a team that loves the environment, is inspired (pulled) instead of “motivated” (pushed) or scared into line. My teams love to be in that environment and they perform like crazy to earn the chance to stay in it with me.

5) I share the good part of the work. People want to contribute and add value. And I let them. In the film world, everyone’s in it because they want to share creativity and express themselves. So I don’t hog it. Instead, I do what I call “Essence Leadership.”

Essence leadership is aligning with team members on the broad strokes, but letting them control some of the details. As a director, I could say, “Give me a red 1985 Corvette.” Or I could say, “Find me a car that says, mid-life-crisis!” I align over the essence, but I turn over the details. And with that, I get not only the body (the physical doing of the work), I get my team-member’s mind and I believe two heads are better than one.

Give this a try. 1) Speak with one positive statement in most or all communication. 2) Sandwich the action you want someone to take with the context that gives that action purpose, 3) repeat what others say as an actively listening leader, 4) praise people publicly and authentically, gradually hitting everyone in the team, and 5) align over the essence and share the details, so you share the good part of the work that gets them up in the morning.

Embody these five communication secrets and you will have a power of sensitive leadership, which inspires teams that will follow you anywhere!

I’ve heard my whole life that a by-product of the trials and tragedies life presents is an opportunity to “find out what you’re made of.” I’ve had a few of those by my mid-forties and I’m still waiting to find that out. If I did discover what I was made of, maybe that would shape my choices.

At the time of writing this I’m sitting in the third or fourth waiting room of the week related to a medical challenge my son is facing. His issue is not quite an “end of the world scale” medical issue, but it is serious stuff.

Despite the fear I had when I awoke, I was pretty positive as I drove to the hospital. I enjoyed a song on the radio. I noticed how beautiful the morning sunshine looked. I even felt lucky to be alive. And then it hit me…

… “I do pretty well when the chips are down!” Does that mean I have discovered what I am made of?

No. I realized that I had discovered nothing about my “makeup” and everything about an important choice that I had made. The choice to enjoy life and the choice to experience life’s textures, even when on life’s prickly side. I didn’t discover what I was made of, I chose what I was made of!

The discovery, which I believe applies as much to how to get over stage fright as it does any other life challenge where attitude impacts results (and the experience of the results), is that we don’t discover what we’re made of, we choose it.

I’m very certain that distinction is real, in part because of how differently I now respond to negative events than I have in the past. I doubt that what I’m made of is changing. More likely I am choosing differently.

Specifically, I’m choosing two things:

1) I’m choosing to be courageous (Courage = Fear + Moving Forward), and
2) I’m choosing to really experience the situations I’m in. Not fix them or endure them, but experience them for what they are.

The business application to this approach lies in both Leadership and Presentation. This philosophy helps me embrace the challenges I face as a leader. And this is how I face speaking, business pitches, and anything that I get all “nerved up” about. I choose what I’m made of, instead of letting my reactions choose for me.

I’m hoping you’ll give the idea a try and recognize that you can fortify your joyful self and be a better leader and presenter with the simple idea that you choose what you’re made of instead of discovering it, and more courageously and positively face whatever make-or-break moment comes your way. If you do, you’ll discover that through proactive choosing, your mind knows how to beat stage fright and anxiety in real-life moments of pressure.

I couldn’t help but notice the Google’s 71st anniversary “google-doodle” of the Wizard of Oz on their search screen, and of course it made me think of the sales interview. (Isn’t that where your mind went?)

If there’s one thing I took away from Oz as a kid it’s that flying monkeys are really scary. But in my adult life, what Oz gave me is the idea that whenever I feel lost and afraid, the solution is as close at hand as tapping my heels together and remembering that the answer is within me!

Which brings me back to sales, where Pete Machalek and I find ourselves regularly training sales pitch or interview teams consisting of professionals who have to step outside their comfort zone to get the work they want.

In preparing for the interview, they find themselves at a fork in the yellow brick road while the Scarecrow points both ways – they know they have to brag about their company is, but that goes against their stated value of client-centeredness. They also have to find the nerve (“Nyrrrrve”) and somehow tap the passion in their heart… that seems to be lost… somewhere… over… (no, I won’t sing it).

At SagePresence, we are tied to hundreds of millions of dollars in winning architecture interviews and construction interviews because these are technical professionals who live for the work, but have to present to get it. And that takes brains, heart, and the nerve, and here’s how you get there:

Brains – you want to chose the strategy of being there to help the client solve their problem. Don’t choose bragging about how great your company is. (We usually beat the competitor who does.) Think of the entire journey as the client’s journey toward what they want, and your expertise is the yellow brick road to getting them there. Present about getting them with your expertise.

Heart and Nerves – you want the right presence in an interview. Nerves are the result of focusing on yourself. Heartfelt passion is found in focusing on helping others. Since you’re presenting about how you help them, you need to base your passion in the excitement of helping others so both heart and nerves are served.

Which brings us back to the Ruby Slippers you’ve been wearing all the time. If you want the work, you’ll have to face the new business interview. As much as you fear it, or feel unsure how to handle stage fright, the answer has been with you all along. You can go home anytime you want. And a brain, heart, home, and the nerve are all found in one simple shift of focus on helping others.

Don’t go to a new business interview to get a job. Make a practice of going to new business interviews to help others by sharing your expertise, and more and more clients will choose the ride home in your balloon.

Hospitals are for healing, but presence can play a role in healing too. I know (as I sit with my son for a Tuberous Sclerosis related routine MRI) that I don’t have to be the doctor to offer the healing presence of bedside manners (communication skills training in Healthcare is on our radar).

Doctors don’t always know how to deal with your fear, confusion, or giving bad news. And patients (or advocates) don’t always know how to ask. So when I’m at the hospital I lead the way with healing authority. I am the self-appointed leader of tone through which I will influence today’s interactions.

This is accomplished with liberal doses a most powerful emotion: Appreciation (a SagePresence staple). Appreciation (the verb) is the active practice of putting attention on the other person and asking yourself silently, “What do I appreciate about them,” and feeling it.

This allows me to ask and graciously receive, to warm up the people ordering me around, and build friendly advocates amidst the fuss over paperwork and insurance cards. I win them over because I control the tone. And the tone of appreciation turns numbers into names, and healthcare into healing.

Today, I convinced a busy unit to squeak in an ultrasound that would have required another visit. More importantly, when my son started shivering head to toe in fear of the pending needle, I looked right into his eyes and mentally asked the question, “What do I appreciate about this wonderful kid?”

His face calmed, his body relaxed, and he said, “Okay. I’m ready. Do it!” At the brink of panic, I led him to where he needed to be. Try appreciation, and bring some healing presence to any healthcare situation.

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Pete Machalek and I were coaching a SagePresence client facing a crucial presentation. She was a lawyer preparing for closing arguments in a murder case – the murder of a small child. There was a strong chance the defendant could get off easy if the jury empathized more with a man facing life in prison than with a young boy who was not present to represent himself.

As powerful as a murder case story inherently is, the jury tends to want to shield themselves from the emotional pains that go with truly considering the details of the crime – so, for their own protection, they were a bit detached. This lawyer, by her own definition, was a little flat and not as interesting as the defense lawyer was.

We practiced an array of techniques in the coaching. But one surprisingly simple idea had me running home to get a children’s book from his nearby condo. Reading from a kid’s book broke an expressive barrier from feeling her words and being interesting enough… dynamic enough… to inspire her audience to face and feel the truth.

Lawyers, judges, and juries tend to protect themselves emotionally, just like doctors and nurses often detach from the patient pain they see every day..

Reading from a kid’s book became her answer to how to improve communication skills under pressure. “I can’t take them anywhere I’m not willing to go myself,” she said. If she wanted them to feel it, she would have to open herself up to feeling it too. Reading the kids book as she would to a child tapped her instantly to her storyteller’s dynamism, and she began feeling her words.

Most of us are very interested in, and passionate about, our own subjects. Then why do we so often come across so dry when we present them? SagePresence spotted a significant difference between professionals talking about their subjects in and out of the presenting hot-seat. “Our subjects aren’t dry; We are often the ones drying them out.”

Fortunately, there’s something dynamic that comes alive in us when reading The Cat In The Hat or The Great Wolf and the Good Woodsman. If you’re fortunate enough to be a parent, this principle is already well-practiced and audience-tested – just do it! If not, just alternate between practicing your speech and reading from a kid’s book!

The results of alternating between a kid’s book and our actual speech were phenomenal. The lawyer became a breathtaking speaker in under an hour. And the prosecution won the case!

Check out the video on this subject by registering for our video archive (www.sagepresenece.com)

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We’re currently in process transferring our existing free tips to this blog.

In the meantime, we invite you to explore the site, and let us know what you think! Post a comment here, or shoot us a message through the CONTACT page.

Best wishes — We’re looking forward to hear your thoughts!

Well, the gamble seems to have worked. So far we’ve got 29 people on the participants list, and the event is almost two weeks out. That strongly suggests that by the time the event actually comes, we’re going to have well over 50 — a great number of people to work with, network with, and build relationships with!

We’d like to invite you all to join us. It’s going to be a great event!

Check out the details here: Be Connected for Networking

Starting at 4:00, we could tell it was going to be a special night when the buzz started to build early, a buzz I attributed to the prospect of saving lives with Project Safety Nets. As volunteer Lee Tyree assisted us in welcoming our guests with free issues of the Minneapolis/St. Paul Business Journal, the room gathered an undeniable momentum that turned into something truly emotional when SagePresence screenwriter-in-resident Bill True introduced of Ann Dillard, the Plymouth Rotary Club member in charge of Project Safety Nets.

Bill set a powerful tone for the evening, which only continued to build as we delivered our newly modified presentation, which stressed group practice and experience more than ever. As we covered the Thinking, Feeling, and Talking of networking, the excitement in the room grew undeniably palpable.

Finally, everyone in the room was ready to get to the networking. They now knew what to do and how to do it, so we let them loose, and the atmosphere just bubbled over into a joyous cacophony of professionals discovering how they could help each other.

Everyone ate, drank and networked until we called everyone back together again to learn how the experience of applying new networking skills went for people.

The feedback we got was tremendous. People had discovered newfound freedom in an activity that they had always experienced to be challenging and frustrating. Stories were told about possibilities and opportunities being born in the room. 

Lee Tyree did two drawings for Minneapolis/St. Paul Business Journal give-aways, and Ann spoke to the room about the difference everyone was making for Senegalese children that night, as they ate and drank and networked.

This was truly a special night for SagePresence. We’ve had fantastic BE CONNECTED events in the past, but this was the first that was dedicated to something larger than us, larger than the professionals we’re dedicated to helping. This was about giving to the world outside ourselves, saving lives as we grow professionally.

Thanks to one and all who participated!