Does your body language add calm, or escalate drama? Are you one of those people who can just come out and say something controversial without creating a problem, or have you already made it worse before you’ve even started talking. Your body language is speaking volumes, and good or bad, your presence really sets the stage.
I didn’t fully grasp what my body was saying to people around me, until I took my dog to obedience school and discovered what I was saying that made things worse.
Business communication strategies need to incorporate calm body language, so you relax tension during delicate subjects.
It all started when I got this dog named Max, last Saturday. He’s an Australian Blue Heeler, which is a herding dog, the same kind of dog Mad Max had in Road Warrior. He’s strong, a herder and a hunter, and Max doesn’t seem to understand why we have “animals” running around loose in our house! Of course he’s not thinking of himself, but the cat and guinea pig. They are clearly just animals (especially the rodent), invaders to our den, and clearly not “of the pack.”
Unfortunately there is nothing in Max’s wiring that would lead him to question that which is obvious to him – he must herd these animals out of the domain of the pack, or simply kill them.
My business insight began when I noticed how much worse the dog got as I tried to calm him down and teach him not to attack my other pets. The more I tried to control the dog, the worse it got. Max went from intense interest to a bloodthirsty commitment.
A very strong and determined animal, Max pulled double whatever I could muster to hold him back. Once he pulled the leash through my fingers and lunged at the cat with snarling teeth and a ferocious bark. I tackled the dog, putting him in a full nelson held-lock. As I held back this creature of muscle and teeth, I saw the cat’s fur blow under in the angry wind of Max’s breath, just before she scratched and bit my wife Kim in the process of making her escape.
Later that day I found Angela Strong, a tough cookie of a dog trainer doing some coaching at PetSmart. Angela is pretty, slender with long dark hair, half my size, and double my confidence. Her handshake hurt my fingers, and I’d bet you an honest fifty that she drives a jeep wrangler.
She watched me struggle to hold back the dog, and serendipitously, one of those crazy pet owners who actually walks his cat on a leash, happened into view. Max had dragged me half way across the pet store for a little cat nip before Angela gestured to say, “Let me show you how it’s done.” I was thinking, “Have at it, little lady.”
It wasn’t two minutes before she was walking Max right up to and around that cat. They were calm, Max trotting alongside her, obediently minding his manners while she talked to the cat owner about feline leash training. She was holding Max’s leash with only two fingers and there was enough slack that he could have easily snatched up that furry little cat-snack. But he didn’t.
“Your body language is escalating him,” she said upon returning, and I’m wondering if she somehow swapped dogs without me noticing. “You’re telling him there’s a problem, and I’m telling him that everything is just the way it’s supposed to be.”
She explained that Max was picking up all the little cues that gave away my tension on the matter of the cat entering the room. “He feels your hand tense up through the chain. He sees your posture stiffen. If you draw up the slack on the leash, or set your hand on him, he’ll notice. If your standing, he’ll feel your leg stiffen. He’ll spot changes in expression, head position, and voice tone. You want him not to attack the cat, but your body is sending the message that you are not okay with the cat entering the room, and that gives him permission to address it his way.
Then came the tip for business. “All mammals read body language before anything else. Dogs are just more sensitive to it.” My career life flashed before my eyes.
I noticed Kim, her hand puffy and red from the cat bite (our next stop would be the clinic). In a mutual past life, Kim had been my Chief Operating Officer in my interactive media company, Digital Café, and she was the kind of person who could just come out and say what had to be said where I had trouble bringing up delicate topics like “we’re over budget” or “we screwed something up and it was going to take longer.”
What was it about some people that lets them just put it out there, where other people’s attempts to deliver bad news or broach tough subjects creates palpable tension. I seem to go wrong in the setup, and the other person becomes threatened in anticipation of what I might say.
I’m trying to show care and compassion in easing them into it, and they’re bracing themselves for the sky to fall, because my body language is warning them that something bad is coming. I remember getting close to “having the conversation,” only to back off because the would-be recipient suddenly appeared too fragile. I created that in them.
It’s body language that’s setting the stage for a horror scene. This happens with important messages like, “The client has a problem with the work you delivered,” or, ‘We’re announcing layoffs,” or, “I’m going to need you to stay late… again.” I remembered Kim being able to just put stuff like that out there, and nobody fainted, or even gasped.
Her body language was like Angela Strong’s. She was able to find “relaxed.” She could be factually objective about what I was so subjective about. Kim and Angela were both able to choose not to put something deep and personal into something they wanted to be nothing more than information.
My work is all about inspiring people – putting more behind the words, making it personal, amping up the power of possibility to milk every moment to its highest experience. That’s what, at SagePresence, we do. But sometimes a word is just a word, and you don’t want to add to it.
This week, I grasped the strategy of calming situations with a casual, neutral body language. And I’ve proven that both at work and at home. I begin with the “appreciation sandwich” that SagePresence is famous for in its business communication strategies, and all our public speaking. I practice genuinely appreciating the person I’m talking to at the beginning and end of any crucial interaction to silently communicate care and respect.
Between the open and close on appreciation, I have mastered the body language that says, “Calm, and relaxed… no big thing.” I get there by feeling it.
Emotions are often a reaction, like the fear that pounded from my heart which was picked up on by my dog. The filmmaker in me knows that emotions are also an activity, and I have engaged in the activity of the “no big thing” feeling. With that feeling, my body language is calm, and relaxed. No big thing. And with that emotion, I can just put things out there with the best of them, like Kim Hyers and Angela Strong.
I walked Max today. We walked around the block, past two ill-behaved dogs who were pulling and tugging their masters for a drag around the block. Max kept his attention on me, and we walked right through them, and I held his leash with two fingers, the chain dragging on the sidewalk. We were calm, and relaxed… no big thing.
Leadership Communication Skills: Building Team Engagement
Powerful communication can inspire team-wide engagement
Times have changed.
The agreements between employee and employer used to be pretty solid and implicit: The employee could generally trust that, if they followed the rules and did a good enough job, they could stay in the company for as long as they wanted. By the same token, the employer could trust that, if they took care of their people well enough, these team members would hang around for as long as the company could benefit from them.
I don’t know if this was ever totally true, but at least it’s how the relationship between employer and employee commonly felt.
But now, after years of layoffs and corporate scandals and downsizing, and technology empowering individuals to think of their careers as independent (or at least not completely dependent) of their present-day employment, the dynamic betweem employer and employee is completely different.
Now the agreements are short-term and cautious. Employers are reluctant to invest in their people, and employees are more consistently looking out for additional opportunities for themselves. Blind trust has been replaced by caution and self-protection.
Some might describe this as a healthier dynamic, or a more realistic one. I don’t pass judgment on it, I’m just describing the situation as I see it.
And as I see it, companies need to act powerfully to change this situation.
Companies need their people to like the company they work for, to like the part they play in it, and to want to do everything they can to help it. Companies need to recognize that their people are their most valuable resources. They need their team to be a team, where each team member cares about the good of the whole, and operates toward that end.
How can they get to that situation with their team members?
A great place to begin is in communicating with them honestly and directly, creating a story about the future of the organization that every engaged team member would want to realize, and about each team member’s participation in forging that future. And on top of that, communicating the value that each employee will experience for themselves out of that participation.
Imagine a troubled organization with a workforce whose engagement is in question. The CEO calls together a staff meeting, and casts his eyes with great appreciation around the room, seeing each and every person for the contribution they make to the organization.
“I know this has been a tough time for all of us,” he begins. “Business isn’t where it should be. The economy seems to be driving every decision. We’ve had to say goodbye to too many of our friends. And looking forward we just don’t know where the work is going to come from.
“But I’m here to tell you that today is the day where everything starts to change. We’re putting some actions into play starting today that’s going to create a new situation for all of us.
“And these actions are going to involve all of us. We all can play a part in moving us forward from where we are now to where we all want to be.
“This business exists for a reason. Not just to make money, like so many bottom-liners out there preach. But to serve our clients. To make a difference in the markets we work with.
“I think some of you here may not know exactly who we help, or how we help them. We’re going to put a change to that. Starting today, we’re instituting an educational program that’s going to give each and every one of you some absolutely essential core information about what this company is about. You will know who we help. You will know what problems we solve. You will know how we solve them. And you will start hearing stories about the good that we do.
“But it’s not enough for you to just have information in your head. We’re going to give you skills to use this information. We’re going to give you the ability to tell our story, so that the world out there can know what you know, so that the market understands who we are and what we do better, so that they know where they can go to get the kind of value we can provide.
“Even more importantly, we’re going to give you the ability to listen for opportunity. There are people out there who are talking about the kinds of problems that we are made to solve. I’m confident that most of you, at one time or another, has been in the room when a client, or a potential client, has complained about a situation that we could have helped with. But you couldn’t respond to it effectively, because you didn’t have the language or the tools to do so.
“That changes today. Starting today, we’re giving you the tools to listen effectively to help the people that we exist to help.
“And finally, we’re giving you what you need to build professional relationships both in and outside of this organization. Because relationships are built on communication, and business comes from high-quality communication.
“Now, we need you to understand that we’re not doing this just for the good of this company. Will it help us if you get better at building professional relationships, or listening to others, or communicating our core value more powerfully and effectively? Of course it will.
But it will also help you. The stronger we as a company are, the more confident you can be that you’re in a stable position inside of a healthy organization. And even more important, the better you are at building relationships and communicating powerfully, the better positioned you will be to move forward in your career, whether you choose to stay with us, or to move forward to a new organization.
“Why am I saying all this? Because I want you to be invested in this training we’re giving you. I don’t want you to think of this as something we’re making you do for the good of the organization, I want you to think of this as an opportunity. This is our gift to you, our wish for you to take these skills and build from them.
“Build business for the company, and build relationships for yourself. Prove yourself out there as a good listener, a source of value, an agent of change, a productive and effective professional. Prove yourself as someone the world wants to work with, and you’ll always have job security, no matter what happens with this organization.”
The CEO pauses as his words settle throughout the assembled staff like electricity.
“No business leader in their right mind these days expects their team to remain completely stable and unchanged for the life of their organization. And I am no exception. I am implementing this training knowing that some of you will one day walk out that door with the product of this investment we’re making right along with you. But I’m confident that a better investment of our resources could not be made anywhere else in this organization. Because even if you some day are no longer an official part of this team, you will know that you benefitted from this investment, you will be living proof of the good that we do, and you will continue to represent us positively and effectively wherever you go in your career.
“So I ask you now, will you take part in this plan? Will you engage in this training whole-heartedly? And will you take part in the business building process to the extent that these new skills give you, so that a year from now, we’re going to be celebrating our accomplishments and experiencing a level of success that some of us might not even allow ourselves to imagine today?”
Through a presentation like this an organization can start to rewrite its relationship with its employees, a relationship founded on candor and trust, inspiring mutual investment and support.
What do you think of this? Can you imagine this message landing?